#3 Footballer In Cheating On Wife Shocker

This John Terry thing. Did it really come as a shock to you? Really? No but, really?

Let's break it down point by point:

1. he is a MAN, a man who, one can safely now assume, has a penis

2. he is wildly overpaid, vastly overexposed and hero worshipped for being able to run in a straight line

3. women (not all I hasten to add) love footballers, even ugly ones with mean foreheads

4. footballers, as a general rule, are not the sharpest of tools

5. footballers, and sportsmen in general, are often away from home staying in hotels, drinking with other overpaid men and being salivated over by girls in teensy dresses



The shock and disappointment with which Terry's infidelity has been greeted is, all this considered, slightly idiotic. As far as I can tell the England captain, unlike many of his teammates, is fairly private. That is to say he doesn't advertise Japanese hair loss supplements or invite the press over to take a photie every time he manages to take a pee without getting his shoes wet. With this in mind we can't claim to know him, know what kind of person he is or to understand the reasons behind this misdemeanor. One can simply assume that the temptation placed in front of dear John Terry outweigh both his self control and his brain cells.

Just a few weeks ago Golfing God Tiger Woods found himself publicly lynched by a bewildered, disillusioned public. A few years ago a world mourned on discovering that David Beckham (good looking, not especially bright, loaded, talented, worshipped) had cheated on Victoria (sullen, lacking in talent, extremely unsexy)with Rebecca Loos (savvy, available, oversexed).

The fact of it is that these men are cheating is the least shocking of it all. The public reaction, the call for the heads of those in the wrong, the scrabbling for every gory detail, the sainting of the cuckqueans, is more surprising. In this case England Manager, Fabio Capello (come ON, an Italian who played in the 70s), has been forced in to considering John Terry's future as captain of the national team. If shagging around seriously affected footballing performance George Best wouldn't have an airport named after him today. Meanwhile the news is filled with Max Clifford's glorious mug as he comforts poor Vanessa Perroncel, the object of Terry's wandering trouser snake and tales of the Chelsea striker being granted 'compassionate leave' to spend time with his distraught wife. Because for some unfathomable reason - perhaps we just like to see the mighty fall - we care, we want to hear the latest on this unsavoury rendezvous, to know whether he went with Vanessa to the abortion clinic, whether his wife is going to stand by him, if Perroncel's ex and Terry's teammate Wayne Bridge has yet to land one on him.

With mere months until the England squad fly to South Africa for the World Cup the public and press are causing feathers to fly when they could simply have been ruffled behind closed doors. And those feathers will undoubtedly disrupt the team's ability to play well, certainly a change in captaincy will put England on the back foot so late in the day. And those who have been baying for John Terry's blood this week will be bemoaning his demotion when England find themselves unceremoniously dumped on their arses in the early stages of the tournament.